Is he or she mean and selfish? Being in a romantic relationship with someone you care about is a wonderful experience.

You can depend on and take care of each other without feeling judged or used. But sometimes it’s easy to show

qualities of selfishness without even realizing it. Being selfish in a romantic relationship can really affect the dynamic

between you and your partner. It can cause resentment and animosity. While it’s important to not be co-dependent on

your partner and have your own life and goals, you shouldn’t have the final say in every decision or ever respect the

needs of your partner. So why exactly is it so easy to be selfish in relationships sometimes?

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“Every time [your partner has] a discussion with [you], [they] end up doing whatever [you] want to do, and give up on [their] own happiness,” says Opperman. This isn’t healthy. This could lead to resentment, which could destroy the relationship.

2. You Don’t Listen To Your Partner’s Opinion

Communication is key when you’re in a romantic relationship with someone. And if you ignore your SO’s wishes and thoughts, then that might be a key sign that you’re selfish. “If your partner believes that your opinion is not worthwhile and theirs is more valuable, [then] this is a sign your partner is selfish,” says Opperman.

3. You Don’t Take Accountability

Selfish people in relationships never consider themselves in the wrong. They put the blame on their partner and think they’re always right. “Your partner never apologizes, even when they are wrong, is a sign of a selfish person,” says Opperman.

4. You Expect Your Partner To Change

You might be acting selfish in a relationship if you’re expecting your partner to change their personality and habits to match your wants and needs. “Your partner tries to change you and mold you into what they want you to be,” says Opperman.

5. You Always Put Your Needs Before Your Partners

It’s important to consider your partner’s needs to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. Selfish people tend to do the opposite by putting their needs first. “Even more so, your partner doesn’t give or share with you and always puts their needs above yours. This is a huge red flag,” says Opperman.

6. You Need To Be In Control All The Time

Being selfish means things always have to be your way and you have to control every aspect of everything that happens in your life, especially your partner’s life, too. If you do this, you don’t consider their goals or thoughts and only want what you think is best. “Try and give up being in control all the time. Trust your partner to make decisions too,” says Opperman.

7. You’re Rarely Happy For Your Partner

If your partner’s happiness isn’t one of your top priorities, then your relationship might be doomed. You might feel jealous of your partner’s accomplishments or don’t want the best for them. These could be signs that you’re being selfish in your relationship. “Consider how often you think about making your partner happy or caring about what your partner wants or feels. There should be a balance and mutuality. That means each of you cares about yourselves and about each other. If you can see that going on, [then] you’re doing fine, ” says Tina B. Tessina, PhD, in an interview with Bustle over email.

8. You Don’t Try As Much In Your Relationship

Most relationships end because couples just stop trying. Romance is put off because the needs of one person take over the other. “Laziness can be a sign of selfishness. If you only want to do things that make you happy and don’t do things that make your partner happy, that’s a good sign you are being selfish,” says Opperman.

9. You Take Your Partner For Granted

You think your partner is never going to leave and nothing is going to change. But sooner or later, your partner could get tired of the relationship because you’ve taken them for granted for such a long time. “If you take your partner for granted and consider your issues to be more important than your partners, this is being selfish,” says Opperman.

10. You’re Always Taking, But Never Giving Back

Your partner could resent you if you only take things and never give anything in return. To make a relationship flourish, it’s important to find a healthy balance where neither of you takes advantage of the other. “Your relationship can feel unbalanced. Giving and receiving are important for both people in the relationship. If you are always taking and not giving back, this is a sign of selfishness,” says Opperman.

11. You’re Not Empathic To Your Partner

To make a relationship last, you need to strive to be empathetic to your partner. Not showing empathy could mean you’re not willing to think about how they’re feeling when they’re dealing with a tough situation. “If you can’t empathize with your partner and instead, belittle or ignore your SO’s feelings, this is also a sign of being selfish,” says Opperman.

12. You Act Impulsively

13. You’re Not Flexible

Relationships are usually all about compromise, but you can’t have a healthy relationship if you’re not flexible. Have an open mind about what your partner wants so you can become less selfish and more flexible. “You say ‘no’ a lot even when you know it gives your partner pleasure, but you’re just not that into it,” says clinical psychologist Megan Fleming in an interview with Bustle over the phone.

If you feel like you have a lot of these qualities, don’t panic. You can change your habits if you truly want to so your relationship can become healthier. Take it slow, communicate with your partner, and apologize if you feel like your behavior has gotten out of control. Your partner will probably appreciate your honesty and work with you to improve the relationship.