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Create Trust in Your Relationship love. Trust is an essential component of a strong relationship, but it doesn’t happen quickly. And once it’s broken, it’s hard to rebuild.

When you think about circumstances that could lead you to lose trust in your partner, infidelity may come to mind right away. But cheating isn’t the only way to break trust in a relationship.

Other possibilities include

a pattern of going back on your word or breaking promises
not being there for your partner in a time of need
withholding, or keeping something back
lying or manipulation
a pattern of not sharing feelings openly
Create Trust in Your Relationship love

What does trust Really mean?|Create Trust in Your Relationship love|

Before going over how to rebuild trust, it’s important to understand what trust is, exactly.

To start, it might be helpful to think of trust as a choice that someone has to make. You can’t make someone trust you. You might not choose to trust someone until they show that they’re worthy of it.

Signs of trust in a relationship

Trust can mean different things to different people. In a romantic relationship, trust might mean:

It’s also important to understand what trust isn’t.

In a relationship, for example, trust doesn’t necessarily mean you tell your partner every single thing that crosses your mind. It’s totally normal to have personal thoughts you keep to yourself.

Trust also doesn’t mean giving each other access to:

bank accounts (unless it’s a shared one)
personal computers
cell phones
social media accounts

You may not mind sharing this information, especially in case of an emergency. But the presence of trust in a relationship generally means you don’t need to check up on your partner. You have faith in them and feel able to talk about any concerns you might have.

Consider the reason behind the lie or betrayal/Create Trust in Your Relationship love

When you’ve been lied to, you might not care much about the reasons behind it.

But people do sometimes lie when they simply don’t know what else to do. This doesn’t make their choice right, but it can help to consider how you might have reacted in their position.

Sure, your partner may have betrayed you to protect themselves, but they may have had a different motive. Were they trying to protect you from bad news? Make the best of a bad money situation? Help a family member?

Maybe the betrayal of trust resulted from a miscommunication or misunderstanding.

Whatever happened, it’s important to make it clear that what they did wasn’t OK. But knowing the reasons behind their actions may help you decide whether you’re able to begin rebuilding the trust you once shared.

Practice forgiveness/ Create Trust in Your Relationship love

If you want to repair a relationship after a betrayal, forgiveness is key. Not only will you need to forgive your partner, but you also may need to forgive yourself.

Blaming yourself in some way for what happened can keep you stuck in self-doubt. That can hurt the chances of your relationship’s recovery.

Depending on the betrayal, it might be hard to forgive your partner and move forward. But try to remember that forgiving your partner isn’t saying that what they did was OK.

Rather, you’re empowering yourself to come to terms with what happened and leave it in the past. You’re also giving your partner a chance to learn and grow from their mistakes.

Avoid dwelling on the past

Once you’ve fully discussed the betrayal, it’s generally best to put the issue to bed. This means you don’t want to bring it up in future arguments.

You’ll also want to go easy on constantly checking in on your partner to make sure they aren’t lying to you again.

This isn’t always easy, especially at first. You might have a hard time letting go of the betrayal and find it difficult to start trusting your partner, especially if you’re worried about another betrayal.

But when you decide to give the relationship a second chance, you’re also deciding to trust your partner again. Maybe you can’t completely trust them right away, but you’re implying you’ll give trust a chance to regrow.

If you can’t keep thinking about what happened or have misgivings about your partner’s future honesty or faithfulness, couples counseling can help. But these signs could also indicate you may not be ready to work on the relationship.

Rebuilding trust when you’ve hurt someone

You messed up. Maybe you lied and hurt your partner or withheld information you thought would hurt them.

No matter your reasons, you know you caused them pain, and you feel terrible. You may feel like you’d do anything to show them they can trust you again.

First, it’s important to understand that the broken trust may be beyond repair. But if you both wont to work on repairing the relationship, there are a few helpful steps you can take.

Consider why you did it

Before you embark on the process of rebuilding trust, you’ll first want to check in with yourself to understand why you did it.

Is it possible that you wanted to end the relationship but didn’t know how to? Or were there specific needs that weren’t being met by your partner? Or was it just a dumb mistake?

Understanding the motives behind your behavior can be difficult, but it’s a crucial part of rebuilding trust.

Apologize sincerely

If you lied, cheated, or otherwise damaged your partner’s faith in you, a genuine apology is a good way to start making amends. It’s important to acknowledge you made a mistake.

Just remember that your apology isn’t the time to justify your actions or explain the situation. If some factors did influence your actions, you can always share these with your partner after apologizing and owning your part in the situation.

Be specific

When you apologize, be specific to show you know what you did was wrong. Use “I” statements. Avoid putting blame on your partner.

For example, instead of “I’m sorry I hurt you,” try:

“I’m sorry I lied to you about where I was going. I know I should’ve told you the truth, and I regret causing you pain. I want you to know I’ll never do it again.”

Make sure to follow up by telling them how you intend to avoid making the same mistake again. If you aren’t sure what they need from you to work on the relationship, you can ask. Just make sure you’re ready and willing to actively listen to their answer.

Give your partner time

Even if you’re ready to apologize, talk about what happened, and begin working through things, your partner may not feel ready yet. It can take time to come to terms with a betrayal or broken trust.

People process things in different ways, too. Your partner might want to talk right away. But they also might need days or weeks before they can address the issue with you.

It’s important to avoid pressuring them to have a discussion before they’re ready. Apologize and let your partner know you’re ready when they are. If you’re struggling in the meantime, consider talking to a counselor who can offer unbiased and supportive guidance.

Let their needs guide you

Your partner may need space and time before they can discuss what happened. And often, this might involve physical space.

This might be difficult to face, but respecting your partner’s boundaries and needs can go a long way toward showing them they can depend on you again.

Your partner may want more transparency and communication from you in the future. This is common after a betrayal of trust. You may even willingly share your phone and computer with your partner to prove your honesty.

But if you’ve made some progress in repairing your relationship and your partner continues to monitor your activities and communications with others, talking to a couples counselor can help.

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